Happy Thoughts

How I envy happy people.

Happy thoughts as they say...
Think,
happy thoughts

Think,
positive

How do these people do it;
Even in the darkest hour
Even in the toughest of time -
to stay positive and happy.

I was a long time sad a long time before.
My signs show the extremes...
Happy - very happy
Sad- very sad

Worst of all i can't hide how or what i felt.

I was a pessimist (and at times i still believe i am)
It is written in the stars -
not that i am a firm believer of them.

Worst of all i can't hide how or what i felt.

So i tried to make people happy instead.
Conceal my thoughts
Kept it all inside.

It felt good.
I worked fine
So i thought.
For awhile that is...

Beyond the laughs and smiles
All those times i made someone smile
I still felt- the anger,
the emptiness,
the sadness
all coming back.

Worse;
most times i felt sick but i don't know why.
Why!

All the times that I had made a difference in others,
All the times I was made others laugh and smile

All the times I smiled
All the times I laughed

I still felt sick.

The truth i was miserable,
Empty
Sad
Angry

Yet i don't know why
Yet I don't know what
I was miserable about.

I thought that if I had made others happy
Smile,
Laugh...

I'll make it all go away...
And i'll be happy.

But NO!

Times when I was alone
Times when I was tired and weary

All the
Emptiness
Sadness
Anger

comes creeping through my head.

I am a CLOwn.
I hated myself and became more miserable.

I told myself I should take care of myself
and
Feel that ounce of hapiness in myself, feel gd about myself
Then others will be too;
For then I will spread unpretentious joy around.

Moderation my friends.
Feel happy and good about yourself
And truly be happy
For your sake and others