Gone I

"When You're Gone"

Performed by Avril Lavigne
Lyrics by Avril Lavigne, Butch Walker

I always needed time on my own
I never thought I'd need you there when I cried
And the days feel like years when I'm alone
And the bed where you lie is made up on your side


When you walk away I count the steps that you take
Do you see how much I need you right now


When you're gone the pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone the face I came to know is missing too
When you're gone the words I need to hear
to always get me through the day
And make it ok


I miss you


I've never felt this way before
Everything that I do, reminds me of you
And the clothes you left, they lie on the floor
And they smell just like you, I love the things that you do


When you walk away I count the steps that you take
Do you see how much I need you right now


When you're gone the pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone the face I came to know is missing too
When you're gone the words I need to hear
to always get me through the day
And make it ok
I miss you


We were made for each other
Out here forever
I know we were
Yeah yeah


All I ever wanted was for you to know
Everything I do I give my heart and soul
I can hardly believe I need to feel you here with me

When you're gone the pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone the face I came to know is missing too
When you're gone the words I need to hear
to always get me through the day
And make it ok

I miss you

Beneath the Mask

You wear your mask too long you forget who you are beneath it.
- V for Vendetta

Life Lessons

How did I escape? With difficulty. How did I plan this moment? With pleasure.

Here is your final lesson: Do not commit the crime for which you now serve the sentence.

Count of Monte Cristo

Honestly

Well .. I'm dishonest. And a dishonest person, you can always trust to be dishonest, honestly. It's the honest ones you have to watch because you never know when they will do something incredibly ... stupid.

Capt. Jack Sparrow
Pirates of the Carribean Curse of the Black Pearl

Truth

Now i had a great summation, all worked out. Full of some, sharp lawyering. But I'm not going to read it. I am here to apologize. I am young, and I am inexperienced. But you cannot, hold Carl Lee Hailey, responsible, for my short cummings. But ya see in all this legal manuevering, something has gotten lost, and that something is the truth. Now it is incumbant upon us lawyers not to just talk about the truth, but to actually seek it, to find it, to live it. My teacher taught me that. Now let's take Dr. Bass for example. Now obviously I would have never knowingly put a convicted fellon on the stand, I hope you can believe that. But what is the truth, that-that-that he is a disgraced liar? Now what if I told you, that the woman he was accused of raping was 17, he was, 23 that she later became his wife bore his child, and is still married to the man today does that make his testimony, more, or-or less true? What is it in us that seeks the truth? Is it our minds? Or is it our hearts? Now I set out to prove that a black man could receive a fair trial in the South, that we are all, equal in the eyes of the law. But that's not the truth, because the eyes of the law are human eyes, yours, and mine and until we can see, each other as equals, justice is never going to be even-handed. It will remain nothing more, than a reflection, of our own prejudices, so until that day, we have a duty, under God, to seek the truth. Not with our eyes and not with our minds where fear and hate are incommonality into prejudice, but with our hearts, where we don't know better.

Now I'm gonna tell ya'll a little story. I'm gonna, ask ya'll to close your eyes while I tell ya this story, I want you to listen to me, I want you to listen to yourselves. Go ahead, close your eyes, please. This is the story about a little girl, walking home from the grocery store one sunny, afternoon. I want you to picture that little girl. Suddenly a truck races up. 2 men jump out, and they grab her. And they drag her...
- Jake Brigance-
Time to Kill, A - 1996

Bullet in my Head

~ No. What you have are bullets and the hope that when your guns are empty I'm no longer standing, because if I am, you'll all be dead before you've reloaded.~
V for vendetta

*Let's play

Salute

Salute to the betrayal and misguidence.

Thank you.

May God have mercy on thy soul

"Son, we live in a world that has walls, and those walls have to be guarded by men with guns. Who's gonna do it? You? (You, Lieutenant Weinberg?) I have a greater responsibility than you can possibly fathom. (You weep for Santiago and you curse the marines. ) You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know: that Santiago's death, while tragic, probably saved lives. And my existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, saves lives.

You don't want the truth because, deep down in places you don't talk about at parties, you want me on that wall, you need me on that wall. We use words like honor, code, loyalty. We use these words as the backbone of a life spent defending something. You use them as a punchline.

I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the very freedom that I provide and then questions the manner in which I provide it. I would rather you just said "thank you" and went on your way.

Otherwise I suggest you pick up a weapon and stand at post. Either way, I don't give a damn what you think you are entitled to."

Col. Nathan Jessup
A Few Good Men

Sight

~ We lose sight of things sometimes but it's ok.
As long as we get back to those things.


Even the best
fall down sometime. ~

Rest

-Come to me all those who are weary and I shall give you rest -

Who will give me rest.
Lay me to rest.
I lay myself to rest.

Sinking Barely Afloat

It seems the days go by harder and harder - day by day. It seems a struggle.
Underlying currents pulling under slowly overpowering; barely keeping afloat.
All the strength and courage mustered; the blood, the sweat and the tears.
The cries inside unheard.
Imploding.

Breathless.
Helpless.
Yet the struggle continues.

Feels like stuck in a moment.
Many moments.

Too many questions.
Too many unanswered.

Why the questions?
Why the need and the search?

Inadequacy?
Affirmation?

Barely afloat.
Meaningless mundane routine.
Let it sink.

Blind

I can see I can see I'm going blind
-Korn-

Weathered and Lost

Where do we all go from here?

Grinded and battered.
From the unseen wounds.

Left me crying inside.
Left me screaming inside.

Doesn't anyone hear me?

Where do we all go from here?
Where do I go from here?

Help.

Fear

What is your deepest fear?

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light not our darkness which frightens us. Your playing small doesn't serve the world; there is nothing enlightening about shrinking so other people don't feel insecure around you. We were all meant to shine as children do. It's not just in some of us it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear. Our presence automatically liberates others. ...... Sir. I just want to say thank you

-Coach Carter, 2003

Oh Crap part2 - I see you?

Something to ponder upon which is closer to us in our heartlands; particularly in reference to our HDB apartments or government flats - the lifts or the elevators.

The lift is a fascinating place - more than just a means of transport from the first floor to higher grounds - a place where people meet or interact; a place where akwardness sometimes transends. But over the years it seems this square or rectangular space has been taken for granted that many of its features seem to be overlooked.

How many of you noticed the changes to the lift in HDB flats over the last decade?

Do you remember seeing the notice of caught with your pants down in the lift, vandalising the sacred space that has served many residents over the years going into the decades?
Yes, I'm talking about the sign that indicates a fine if caught urinating in the lift; since the ban of chewing gum effectively ended the problem of faulty buttons.
Yes, the sign is still there. Does this mean that the problem of urine in the lifts is still evident or in existance?

It is part of the sacred space as implemented from probably in the late 70s or early 80s, where hygene was a big issue. Awareness of good hygene and the common public property act were at the height of concern. Cameras and ammonia(urine) detectors are reportedly installed to nab offenders. That is education per say to the masses. Off their heads! they say. Wow what education and effective at that it was.

So much so that urine or even the sniff of it was treated as lost gold or a legend - a thing of the past (not) forgotten.

I stumbled upon urine, yes,urine in the lifts of my apartment block the other day and the day before and the day before that! I was nevertheless shocked. Urine in the lift in this modern day! What an outrage. No it wasn't orange juice or teh-o.

How was I so sure? Because the stench of ammonia got me dizzy by the time I got to the 4th floor.
Something must be done. The perpertrator should be castrated and dealt with. Then that was where it hit me! What if the offender is not a homo sapien? Not of human species? Can the measures in place be able to prosecute the offender. Wouldn't it be a stir in the news and zines? It would definately create an uproar among animal lovers and their best friends! For sure.

Persecute the best friend then you might say. Well, that sounds about rite as the latter has definately a higher so called intelligence that they have control over their best friends. Not! The rascal did it not me.

The argument is that if the better half is that more intelligent then the vandalism woukdn't have occured, would it?
It's really funny how the authorities go to educate these better halves. I have seen of flyers or notices in lifts for the better halves to be responsible owner and clean up after the animals.

Makes you wonder who is more human.
Be responsible. Put the owner to sleep. Just a thought.

Oh Crap!

Dog Poo

National Day Songs, Idols?

Today marks the nation's 41st birthday. It holds memories of such patriotism; of wat makes us the dear sons of our country - not that i am a buff of sorts for what the nation has gone through for the last 40 so years; let alone remember historical moments and their dates.

But it is a day that holds dear to me for other reasons.

But this day is special; it was the day that spelled the end of the National Stadium - the last parade to be held there - that has held many memories for me.

But the issue today was not of the parade but of the SINGING competition aired on national television - the Idol series - spurned by the American Idol series.

It comes to question whether we do really need an Idol - a Singing Idol or icon to be associated with a country? Well, it seems important judging by the number of SMSs the programme has received. Mind you - the cost of sending a vote via mobile cost a staggering 50 cents per vote.

I am not much of a supporter or a buff for the series - more of a passing. Because it seems it is not a singing competition; more of a popularity contest. Well, I am not saying that all the contestants cannot sing, only a handful are worthy competitors. I am more for the antics of the auditions - you can't get enough of them can you?

Of course the nation's antics are less violent and more civil than our American latter's but nevertheless it was interesting to see the auditioners' hype and all. The songs, the reactions etc...

Most interestingly, most (well from the given depictions and cut versions on the programme) the auditioners chose songs that were mainstream and can i say rather difficult to sing at times and hence painfully endearing to listen to. I am not much of a singer not m i a good listener but clearly it does not take a dick to know that song choices are important and some songs are difficult.

On this day, it just struck me, and i w0nder why none of them sang one of our national day songs. Hell, the nation comes up with new ones every year. Some of our songs are quite easy to sing and are indeed pleasant. Is it to shameful to sing our local songs or are they just for the occasion. It is not as if we are singing the national anthem and making a mockery of the national anthem. It would be nice and laughable to see anyone who genuinely makes a mess of the national anthem though.

What I am advocating is allowing people to sing our national day songs anytime, because i am sure it is not an offense. Or is it? Better check... it doesn't pay to assume; not here though.

Give that man a national song. Coz we have a vision for tomorrow....

Shoes and Handbags

Yes the great Singapore Sale is back in town again.

It is the time of the year where throngs of people stampede and make a clean sweep through the stores for the greatest bargains like there is no tomorrow;

Like locusts sweeping through a corn field;
Like ants stocking up for the winter season -

The only difference being the spending power to buy things we actually need (hopefully, some day , I suppose).

What is the phenomenon, the mysterious power that is at work;
that draws us to spend and overspend during this period?

I, was attracted to it first when it all started - the pre GST sale as we call it.
And it has evolved to be The, yes, THE Great Singapore Sale.

The hype died down after awhile as my generous pay forces me to rethink my spending power while the allure of it all proves quite a strong pull.
Alas, more than always, the unthinkable thought of not eating enough for that month is a much more logical conclusion.

If affordance is the word, then I would buy what some may say a necessity - a luxury for me.
You see, i could never have enough shoes to fill my thirst.

I guess that is parable to women's need for wardrobe full of bags, clothes, make-up and what not that they have. So, this is the time, well, any other time, where the great debate of why I need as much shoes as compared to my 'better' half's incessant (if i may use the word) crave for more bags.

Well it could be argued, from my point that is, simply as function. I have more sports shoes than my wife, argurably more than anyone i know of - and mind you, i use all 7 pairs of them. Crazy some may say - one for every day of the week. It does not work that way.

1. Functionality means firstly the purpose of it all. Hence, I have some shoes for this, and some shoes for that because i play different sports. Of course, i use some shoes more than others.

2. Functionality means the use of it all. Similar meanings - well to the lay man - not that i am not but what it means is that i wear those shoes almost seven days a week. I have a soft spot for racers for their light weight and flexibity that suits almost every other sport. And tried and tested at the rate i use a pair, the soles would be out as fast as 3 months. The longest was the nike hurache - if you can call the pair racers; they lasted 8 months.

That's so much for work shoes. I have other sports shoes - casual lifestyle editions i'd call them. These are worn for outings that require walks through malls and essentially for shopping.

Again its a matter of functionality. They are comfortable and trendy. Why shouldn't I invest in them. I only have 2 of them pairs. Too MUCH? Hmmm. Must I remind you of Functionality.

Well i do not even want to go to smart or casual shoes for occasions. I do not want to go there.

I am not saying my shoes come cheap nor am i saying aesthetics and brand do not form part of my consideration but Function is the word here.

Argurably, my argument for form and Functionality outweights that of my wife's handbags and what knot reasons for all seasons. I rest my case.

A.D.I.D.A.S. - All Day I Dream About Is Sports.

Junk mail Ethics?

In the technology savy world we are in now, spam - a form of junk mail - has often clogged up our emails reduce us of our over reliant techno junk daily funtions. We are often incessed by such mail and no matter how many spam blockers and junk mail clearance, it seems never to stop and to a point where the email ceases to lose its very basic functionality - to receive email; important ones mind you. And email is a very precious commodity especially for us who cant afford to pay email providers nuts for that extra service or function to enhance and reduce such intrusion.

Like email, our normal letter box as graciously provided by the housing board is also never free from junk mail.

Advertising they say. Cheap too.

The whole story of it is that such physical matter doesn't have spam blockers or automatic junk mail removal. If spam gets to you and makes you so incessed, think about the unnecessary flyers left on the floor of our buildings rite smack in front of the elevator (lift).

If you are disgusted by the amount of space spam takes up in your email, then think of the eye sore-and i mean eye sore - these flyers and pieces of 'toilet paper' (hell! we don't even want to use them as toilet paper) cause on the anger and disgust scale.

Pieces and pieces of crushed up paper strewn on the floor.
Dang!
What's happening to the gracious society we are talking about?
What's happening to the so called clean city of Singapore?
What's happening to us?

Foreign nationals? You blame it on foreign workers?
What ever happened to our educated societal Singapore?
The educated ones are as much guilty as their foreign counterparts.

We are quick to blame foreigners.
We are quick to blame the bins.
We are quick to blame cleaners.

For Pete's (whoever he is) sake, there's a bin there!

And as today's gracious goverment and technology for the nation's people,
the housing board has provided a catch to the letterbox opening to block unwanted junk mail from entering and has so far prevented unwanted entries.
Why can't these people put the catch on? Don't know how to use. Hell, the board even put a simple one piece manual in the mailbox for your convinience. It does not take a genius how to work it out.

Please keep it clean.

I am so tempted to stake out to find the culprits and rake up all their junk mail and dump them at their doorsteps with the labels " I believe these belong to you!"

If only we take that extra mm and a joule of effort...

Fallin

- Even the best fall down sometimes -

Tax Evasion

In light of the recent media coverage on the Melvin case - the punishment of one Melvin for not duly fulfilling his national service duties - it is an opportune to comment on the big huha.

It was a national outrage and a big public outcry, judging from the large front page publication in the Straits Times by the masses on the issue of evading National Service that the parliment has passed a bill to amend the current law on National Service evasion under the National Enlistment Act.

The angle taken by the masses seems wrong.
The masses were outraged by the apparent light sentence (fine) by the government on the accused.

Under the Singapore law (Enlistment Act) boys or men the age of 16 are legible for enlistment in National Service. They have to complete the patriachal duty for a length of 2 to 2 and a half years.

Anyone, any boy, any man, anyone sane for that matter will have the thinking of...oh no!
I'm gonna be torture for 2 years or more
I'm gonna be paid measly for being tortured for 2 years or more.
I'm gonna waste time for 2 years or more.
I'm gonna lose 2 years of my life or more
I'm gonna lose out to my girl counterparts
I'm gonna lose my girlfriend.

Those are the thoughts. Morbid (maybe) thoughts. Some of them are my thoughts.

So I can certainly understand for big rara or huha by people towards our dear Melvin.

I am not gonna stand here and talk about morals or how heavy or light the punishment is.
Neither am I gonna stand here and preach about nationalism and duty.
Because I for one did not want to be in national service when it came.

However, I took it as it came and go with it. Go with the flow as some may say.
But after going through the process, I began to realise there is much more than national security. I learned a lot more.

I learn to deal with people. Take responsibility. Be discipline (that was my most disciplined time). The fittest time in my life I had ever been. Be a leader. Deal with crap food. (not anymore I've heard) Learn new sports. Build mental strength.

But most of all, I learn to appreciate how lucky I am. What sense?
Luckier than some I have met and made friends with during this 2 or more years.

So when the article came to light on this chap, I wasn't enthralled nor overrawed. Neither was I resentful. I took it in stride. My take was he would have missed out one of the best times in life. Not the training or the screaming or swearing of the instructors, but the camaderie and friendship that was made and learning something worthwhile.

Ask not what your country can do for you but what you can do for the country. - A famous saying.
Would you fight for protect your nation?
Is it about nationalism or patriotism?
Or much more?